Dear Lisa,
I know that I’ll never be able to apologize enough for the things that I did to you. And I will make this my final attempt as I know bombarding you with apologies is just going to force you to relive trauma more than anything. But I do want to say from the bottom of my heart I’m sorry. Not even just for driving you to slit because I sided with that awful man. I knew he was awful to, I knew from the moment prada told me, madison, and mila about the things he was doing that he was awful. Yet months later I chose to side with him because I was an angry person. Even after you slit I said horrible untrue things about you, and about us, to seem like some tough guy. Saying how we were never friends, all because I got told you would shit talk me in vcs with hydra and toasty. Getting mad at you for saying I would choose madi over you. In hindsight, how could I ever be mad at you for those things when they were deserved. I chose someone way worse than madi over you, so for me to ever be mad at that accusation was ridiculous. I’m sorry for ever being mad at those things. I had no right. I’m sorry for never being the friend I should’ve been to you. You told me how I got you through hard years like 2019, yet I still chose to fuck you over multiple times. I treated you and your other close friends like shit with my toxic behavior and weird childish meltdowns and I’m so, so sorry. So many times you were struggling, especially now with the whole hydra situation, and I was never properly there for you. I’d walk through hell (sorry for being corny, but i mean it) if it meant I could go back and redo everything and never hurt you all the times that I have. But I can’t change the past, so I’ll apologize in the only way that I can. One thing that’ll never leave my mind is how you told me one night that you had seen change in me. How you said I wasn’t as toxic of a person anymore. Honestly, I think you were wrong the night. Each time I came back I hadn’t changed. I’ve continued to be a bitter human being who was angry at the world. But I wanna make your words true. From now on I won’t live angrily and will try to truly be a better person. I won’t hurt anyone ever again the way that I hurt you. So like I said, I’m going to apologize the only way I truly can at this point. I’ll be a better person and always keep you in my heart while making those changes. And i’ll pray everyday that the hurt I caused you will leave your heart and that you can move on from the pain that these months have caused you. I’ll pray everyday and hope one day you forget me and all this pain.I love you Lisa, despite every horrible thing I’ve done to you I truly have always loved you and considered you the best friend I ever had. And I’ll continue to love you and make you the reason I change as a person and never hurt anyone again so that nobody has to experience the pain you went through.